Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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