sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
