He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
