I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize