yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
