apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
