I am full of burrito and curiosity
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
