Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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