Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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