just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I skipped work to stalk him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
