Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
