Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
