I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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