I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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