u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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