He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
