she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
