Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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