he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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