It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
