you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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