Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
