You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
