So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
