Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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