Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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