I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
