If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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