you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
