How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize