when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
