shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you had me at cake vodka
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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