and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
