it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
