I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
