The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
