worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
