It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My penis needs a shock collar
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
