i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
