I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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