guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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