Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
