Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
