i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
