I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
