my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
