the condom got lost in my hair
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
