I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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