Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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