But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
