i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
