I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
