i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
