Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
