I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
