I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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