I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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