Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
