Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
