I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
