Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
