when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
