Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
