I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
