she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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