Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
