i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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