her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
