No stitches, just platelets and will power
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
