They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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