1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
