id be glad to
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
