you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
