its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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